blog

From Independence to Wholeness

Submitted by on August 1, 2009 - 1:38 am

When I was a singer/ songwriter, I loved driving around the country on my own. I used to compose songs into my tape recorder as I drove (the same one I use now to record readings :) and often had spiritual revelations driving through mile after mile of open space, mountains and wilderness.

That was a great creative period in my life. What I didn’t really see at the time was how much protection I had around me, and how much my identity was build around my distorted concepts of being “independent” and strong.

Sometimes we can get a great healing by revisiting the past. Whether it’s visiting family, an old home or an ex-lover, returning can help us see how we’ve grown as well as helping us call back parts of ourselves we may have forgotten.

Increasingly over the past few months, I have been going through a creative rebirth. I’m thrilled to say that even though I have devoted my life to my creative pursuits in the past, I think my creative energy is higher now than ever before in my life! And it feels like I’m just getting started…

So what has changed in these last few years? Of course, years bring wisdom and for me one of the key shifts has been around updating my concepts of protection and letting go of walls around my heart.

Now, I am discovering a simple alignment with my innate strength, my passion for sharing and the worth of my path, and then opening my heart to co-creation. Truly, there is so much more creative energy available to us individually when we let the Universe dance with us rather than trying to maintain our separateness.

This opening I’m experiencing is even more profound because of all my years of meditation, intuitive training and really “landing” in my body. Before learning how to honor and manage my sensitivity, I wasn’t present enough in my body to have a healthy sense of self, so I think the walls had a purpose. Now, Hallelujah, they don’t! And the party begins.

Because I’m clear on what I’m here for and what I agree to, protection is effortless because I can simply say yes to what aligns with that and “no, thank you” to what doesn’t—whether that means relationships, opportunities, psychic agreements, or daily habits.

Growing up, and certainly before this lifetime, I received a lot of messages that said it wasn’t safe to be feminine, creative, or to shine my light too brightly. I had lifetimes of being controlled, tortured, or burnt at the stake.

This time around, my mother was teased by her brother and controlled by her father, and learned from her mother to say “Yes, dear” and have dinner on the table at 5 o’clock. That may have worked in the ‘40s and ‘50s, but decades later, when she was raising me, women were wanting more yet there were no role models of how to have it.

At that point women went to work and started demanding all the same rights as men. Many women, like my mother, “matched” the male energy of that time to varying degrees, because that seemed like where the power or safety was.

My father grew up poor and had to work hard for what he had, so while he is very creative he felt unable to spend his time that way, nor did he know how to handle his intuitive abilities. Little did he know what he was getting into in having me!

As a bright and shiny little girl I came to him with my paintings and stories and got the message, “Not now, dear, I have work to do.” While he was trying to support us, what I heard was, “Turn down the volume if you want love,” and so I did.

And, we had frequent fire drills and lessons about where to kick a man if he attached me. Again, the intention was to protect but what I got was to be on guard and expect danger… not quite the way I now experience or prefer to be protected, but times are changing!

The night before I left for Colorado I was looking for my maps, and ended up finding old photos from my 9 years of living there. Looking at the photos, I could see so clearly the protection around my body and my energy field, and how it lightened as the years went on.

I had no idea at the time! I kept begging God (or cursing, depending on the day), pleading for love and success but had little idea how I was pushing it away.

Through those nine years I healed myself a lot through singing, dancing and performing. Just to do it and not get burnt at the stake was huge!

That night before I left I also found a home recording of songs I’d written. It was so much fun to listen to that as I drove on this recent trip! I “called back” that creative juice as well as let go of old emotions and attitudes that I heard in the music, or that I remembered as I repeated an old action (taking a road trip). Much of this “calling back” and “letting go” I had already done in spirit, but reviewing the songs, the images, the experience of driving and the geographic terrain really made it REAL for me and has readied me for my next steps.

Since that time in my life I have gotten brighter and shinier and more feminine, so it was almost startling to be out there alone again and see that while according to the old paradigm I might seem like more of a “target,” in fact I had a whole new experience where I felt most free and most powerful—actually SAFER– when I remained shiny and radiant and heart-connected to everyone I met.

Even at the gas station with the bullet holes in the glass in Gallup, NM. Even at the Super-Walmart where families were just getting off work and stocking up on gallons of milk at 11 pm. Even climbing mountains in wilderness with no one in sight.

I recently read an interview with Alberto Villoldo about 2012 in an issue of Awareness Magazine, and was fascinated with these words: “One of the interesting things the Inka say is that there’s “no place in the world” where we’ll be safe. Absolutely no place. But there will be safe people. You can become a safe person.”

I so love and resonate with this, and I am thrilled at having the experience of it. To me it is a feeling of inner wholeness which, on the surface is just a shade away from “independence,” but truly is a world apart.

I know that as more of us find our inner wholeness, and that inherent safety that comes with shining our brightest lights and respecting our worth, the more the world is becoming BEYOND safe… It’s becoming a creative playground and Divine love-fest!

Sometimes it helps to have someone cheer you on. And energy tools such as meditation are indispensable at this time!

If you aren’t sure why you’re here, if your thoughts and feelings merge with other people’s so you’re not sure whose is whose, or if you feel surrounded by negativity and are having trouble keeping your energy up, I have been there and I can support you. It can be scary or the mind can come up with all sorts of excuses why we don’t need help, but what I’ve learned is that the longer you wait the worse it gets and the more it costs- financially, spiritually, emotionally and physically.

Give yourself the support you deserve today!

To your radiance!

Ann

copyright 2009 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.

Navigating Uncertainty

Submitted by on November 1, 2008 - 1:31 am

Does life lately feel like you are being pushed to take a giant leap into the unknown? Whether things are changing with your finances, work-purpose, relationships, residence, your inner being or all of the above, you are not alone.

If only we knew the jump was manageable, no problem. But who knows if it’s 3 feet down or thousands of feet? On the ego-personality level, we can easily become very terrified that we (or life as we know it) are about to die.

Know that if the economy totally collapses, if your life seems to fall apart, you will still have your body. If your body fails, you will still have yourself, the awareness you are that you will take with you beyond this body.

And we may not be able to change the stock market, the political climate, or those around us, but we can always change ourselves. Know that any changes you make in your RELATIONSHIP to, or in your perspective on any of those things or people are changes you take with you no matter what happens.

Within this life you have probably seen examples of this. For one, if you clear up any unresolved emotional issues that arise in a challenging relationship, you will have an easier time in the next relationship, even if the first one ends in it’s current physical form.

Conversely, if you end a relationship (and this could be with a person, job or any aspect of life) with anger, hatred, fear or resistance, you will pick right up where you left off in the next relationship or situation. So in this sense we never get rid of anyone or anything. In order to make it through peacefully we have to transform ourselves.

When we transform ourselves, we no longer need to hate, fear or resist. And as the whole system of competition and greed changes, we are either choosing or being forced (depending on our level of resistance) to start cooperating. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather choose!

As nothing before our eyes can be relied on like it used to, we are being called to look behind our eyes, inside, where our true answers are. As someone who has always looked inside and seen or chose many things that seemed strange to others, as someone who helps people daily to find their truth inside, I am very very excited for these changes.

In my observations at this time, no one I know is bored or having an “easy” time of things. (If you are, let me know and congratulations!) But those I see getting caught up in worry, anxiety or fear are having a much harder time than those who have the courage to let go and trust in themselves and the process of life, even as they’re reeling around a dark corner with no headlights or seatbelt.

And, as I observe people in their healing process I am seeing more and more of something I’ve always said: as long as we are moving we’re ok, but when we get stuck healing stops. By “moving” I don’t necessarily mean go out jogging or move to another country (although you may do that). I mean movement in all areas: moving the body, communicating and expressing yourself, trying new things and keeping your mind open.

We are learning what really matters and we are learning how to take care of ourselves, each other and the earth. We are learning in big ways in “real life” what many of us have already learned theoretically or in smaller ways– to let go of attachments to the external forms of things, and to place our faith back in our inner being, in spirit and in our hearts. The learning curve has gotten steeper because we are ready for it.

Many of us are undergoing changes at this time so that we can be more of service in the times to come. If life seems not to make sense, know that there is a much bigger plan unfolding than any of us can really see right now.

If you are feeling lost right now, here are a few suggestions:

MOVE anything you can- your body, your voice, your mind, your breath, your furniture, whatever inspires you.

LOVE one another and yourself. No matter how you feel or what’s going on, err on the side of kindness and see what happens.

SHARE of yourself, whatever you have to offer, no matter how small or insignificant it seems. If you are seeking a larger sense of purpose, ask for guidance and be open to the answer or even a next step.

Thanks for reading and let me know if I can be of further service to you!

copyright 2008 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.

Being of Service: Why & How

Submitted by on December 1, 2007 - 1:24 am

It’s not always easy to help others when we ourselves suffer.  Sometimes we need to tend to our own needs before we can truly be of service. But sometimes, helping others not only serves more people, it is the key to healing ourselves.

What are your tendencies?  To hide out alone in your house?  To lose yourself in others?  And what does it truly mean to be of service?

I remember one afternoon years ago I was really down in the dumps.  At the time I was teaching Aikido to children, and the clock was ticking closer and closer to class time, but I didn’t think I could bring myself to go.  I didn’t think I had it in me to run around or to inspire anyone, and I didn’t want to spread my pain around.

But, I knew no one I could call to teach for me on such short notice, so I literally dragged myself to teach.  Once there, we played tag, we practice punches and somersault-like falls, we played “guess who”- an awareness practice that involved “guessing” which member of the class was grabbing one’s wrists from behind.  And by the end of class, I was laughing and smiling and had totally forgotten the pain I’d gone in with!

That day was a turning point for me. I have always been so sensitive that it’s been easy for me to become whatever I was feeling and in cases like that day, become immobilized by it.  From then on I realized the power of stepping outside my own feelings and choosing instead to help others while doing something I truly loved to do.

Most of us think we feel pain because we don’t get what we want.  As my teacher Michael Tamura helped me to see, it’s more painful to NOT GIVE what we have to give than it is to NOT GET something.  Whether it’s romantic love, art, music, our thoughts, or an act we do to help another, giving what is already inside us literally gives us energy.

In his book Entering the Tao, Hua-Ching Ni offers these thoughts:

“…all of you suffer from something; all of you have one shortcoming or another. The trouble is that you pay more attention to your suffering than to the rest of your life, thus aggrandizing the suffering.  You don’t know how to utilize what you have already achieved. If you focused instead on the satisfaction of your present achievement and continued to cultivate yourself by doing good deeds, both for yourself and for others, this would be both a personal remedy and salvation as well as a way to mend your shortcomings and suffering.”

So how do we discover which good deeds to do?  How to wade through all the voices in our heads—family members, partners, bosses, teachers, religious leaders, doctors, friends, self-help books, the media, and more—all telling us what we “should” be doing for ourselves or others?

Here is what I have discovered- Get really quiet, behind the buzz of all those voices, and imagine you can ask the Universe.  Imagine you get an answer back, and then TRUST YOURSELF to follow it.

How can you be sure you’re not hearing an unhelpful voice?  You will know because true universal guidance, while it may be a little surprising or uncomfortable, will always come with a feeling of peace and will also help others, or at least do no harm.

Erich Schiffmann, a wonderful yoga teacher and author, teaches a “free form” yoga class in which he does not “teach” in the traditional sense. Instead, he invites students to listen inwardly for guidance and then do the poses they are drawn to do.

This I find is wonderful training for life.  How would your life be different if when you sat down at your desk and instead of plowing through your “To-do” list or getting distracted by emails, you first got quiet and asked the Universe what it would have you do first?

How would your relationships be different if you paused before broaching a difficult subject and asked for a vision of how to best proceed to serve everyone involved?

If you have several choices circulating over and over in your head, try getting quiet and then, one at a time, imagine yourself choosing one and then imagining the outcome.  This is different from fearing or worrying or fantasizing about an outcome.  See if you can observe the difference.

Imagination, at it’s finest, is the gateway to intuition.  We so often underestimate our powers to know things by saying “I’m just making it up.”  This is warranted given the pitfalls of imagination distorted through fear or fantasy.  However, I have seen miraculous readings by my students who swore they were just making something up.

If you have trouble telling the difference, try at least not to make major decisions when you’re feeling lousy.  Through practice you will learn to trust yourself more.  In the meantime, DO consider going out and doing something you know to be good, for yourself and/or others, during your low moods.

Both indulging in your own process and suppressing your feelings create problems if overdone.  By learning to listen quietly and then trust your instincts about how to truly serve, you will ultimately know your own feelings as well as offer something beyond yourself.  Your inner being, your relationships, and your place in the world will all be in balance.  Try it and see.

copyright 2007 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.

Money, Reality, Simplicity & Joy

Submitted by on October 1, 2007 - 1:22 am

Over the past few weeks most of the readings I’ve done have been about money.  It seems a lot of folks are feeling crunched for money—either they had it and are running out, or they’ve been holding out for a big break that feels excruciatingly slow in arriving, or they simply want to change their patterns so they can make good money for a change.

While everyone’s story is different, one common theme I see is that most of them have pictures of “reality” that are distorted in some way. Both delusions about and resistance to “reality” keep them from having the abundance they desire.

For example, sometimes I meet creative visionaries who have brilliant ideas but don’t do the day-to-day actions it takes to get that “big break” they want.  I have spoken with musicians who never perform, screenwriters who never finish a script, and entrepreneurs who have a great product or service but fail to study and practice tried and true business principles.

On the other hand, some falter because they expect that in “reality” they will never make it.  They tell themselves limiting stories of how hard it is to get by, how rich people are all evil, how others are out to get their money, how others should or shouldn’t support them, how money doesn’t grow on trees, etc… etc. and then that is what they experience.

One woman was still resisting the programming she received from her father years ago.  Though he meant well, his messages that said “This is how you get by in the world” felt invalidating to her because his style was not her style.  Rather than understand he was looking through his own lens and helping in the way he knew best, she internalized the invalidation she felt and resisted “reality” long into her adulthood.

Often the same person will have both the delusional as well as the limiting views of reality.  Though these views seem opposing, they actually feed each other quite nicely.  If you are unable to accept what you think is reality because it feels too stifling, you are more likely to make up a reality that you think suits you.  And, by living in a fantasy world, you actually limit yourself.

Why do we resist reality?  Again, it is usually our false concepts of reality that we resist, not the actual reality. When we are clear, reality is made from our dreams, both individual and collective.  When there is gunk in the way, there seems to be and endless gap between what we imagine and what we get.

Another common theme I see in the people I work with is that by letting go of illusions about money and reality several beautiful things happen.  Stripped of distractions, they find their values:  they start to see what is really important to them.

And, they start to see that actual reality, while often simpler and less “glamorous” than they envision, is really quite friendly and neutral.  And in that neutrality and simplicity are more possibilities than in anyone’s wildest fantasies.

Real, true possibilities come when we are clear on our values and remove the conditions on how they are fulfilled.  Unfortunately, some of us need to get desperate before we remove our conditions upon ourselves, others or life.

Some are attached to a specific picture of “who they want to be when they grow up”.  An actor who moved to LA to pursue her dream is terrified to face her friends and family back home if it doesn’t pan out.  Another woman desperately tries to get pregnant and cannot.  A real estate investor loses his money when the market in Florida crashes sooner than expected.

Life purpose is not about a job or title in the world.  We can find so much joy when we take our ego out of the role we think we should be playing and find our soul shining through no matter what we are doing. I believe we are headed collectively to a place of abundance because through the hard times many are having, we are starting to get this.

The budding actress might turn out to be a great mother.  The one trying to get pregnant might get “discovered” without trying and love being an actress.  The investor might realize he’d rather live in Florida, sell his home in a much pricier area and become financially independent.

We never know.  Life is always changing.  Take a moment, try and put aside your conditions upon life and ask yourself a few questions.

  • What are my top priorities or values?
  • What do I have to share with the world? —Meaning, what qualities or attributes—not specific job skills.
  • What can I do today to value my values and share my strengths?
  • What am I ready to let go of?
  • How is life supporting me already?
  • What possibilities do I have?

Then get out there and live it!

copyright 2007 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.

Finding True Responsibility

Submitted by on September 1, 2007 - 1:19 am

Are you too responsible?  Not responsible enough?

We often associate responsibility with seriousness, effort, and duty.  But finding true responsibility can offer us great power, because it is simply the ability to respond.

Though it is easy to get caught up in “shoulds,” “have tos,” and habits, we always have a choice how we respond.  When we get stuck, it may be because we are being responsible for things we aren’t truly responsible for, and irresponsible when it comes to our true values and purpose.

To begin to find your true responsibility, try asking these questions about your life as it is now:

  • To what or to whom are you responsible?
  • What motivates you to be responsible?

Now, things get interesting.

For example, I have known people who crossed every “t” and dotted every “i” but were totally irresponsible when it came to earning a living.  Others take care of everyone around them but cannot manage their own emotions.

When we are in balance, we are responsible according to our core values. When we are stuck in (often unconscious) worldviews that are not presently true for us, our sense of responsibility will accommodate those beliefs and we may suffer the consequences.

What are some of the ways responsibility gets distorted?

1). To avoid getting punished.

Consider these examples:

  • Rushing to get to work or school on time, not because you want to be there, but so you won’t jeopardize your salary or good grades.
  • Doing things you don’t want to do to avoid criticism from a family member, partner or friend.
  • Rehearsing a conversation in your head 50 times before you have it, so you don’t look stupid.

2). To be validated, loved, accepted.

This may include:

  • Taking care of others in inappropriate ways, for example where they don’t want it, or where this compromises your values or self-care.
  • Becoming a performer, leader, healer, fire fighter, or other “super-hero”-type position, unless done in an attitude of service and greater purpose.
  • Trying desperately to “fit in,” for example buying a fancy car or adopting certain values because others in your community do.

3). To control our environments

Many of us grew up in chaotic environments, for example where we moved a lot, where caregivers were abusive or unpredictable, or where those who were supposed to be responsible were not.

In such cases we may have assumed the role of parent while we were still children, and or we may have become hyper-responsible about things we could control in attempt to compensate for things we couldn’t.

Today, we may still be responding as if those conditions still exist, when in fact they don’t.  For example, obsessions, compulsions, and taking care of others inappropriately all may fall under this category.

Do any of these examples sound familiar?  Would you like to change your relationship to responsibility?

If so, try this:

Make a list of your core values and priorities.

  • Ask yourself, “What can I do today to be more responsible in honoring these values and fulfilling these priorities?”
  • Ask yourself: “What am I currently doing that conflicts with my values and priorities?”
  • In daily life, pay attention when you feel a sense of burden or when things don’t pan out in fulfilling ways.  Check in right then and ask, “To what or to whom am I being responsible right now and according to what motivation?”  If your answer makes you groan, what can you do instead? You choose!

copyright 2007 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.

Feeling Off? What To Do.

Submitted by on October 1, 2006 - 1:10 am

Sometimes when you’re feeling off, it’s easy to ask, “What’s wrong with me?” That question is an old habit and only brings more frustration, because you get no answer. That is because nothing is wrong with you. Ever.

Try this instead:

  • When you’re feeling off, sit down in a quiet space with your feet flat on the floor.
  • Imagine/ intend that you are sitting behind your eyes, in the center of your head.
  • Envision a big tree trunk, beam of light, or waterfall between the base of your spine (first chakra) and the center of the earth. Let this be your drainpipe, to let go of any burdens you don’t need to be carrying.

That should help already. Now see if you can imagine a new question. Instead of “What’s wrong with me, ask, “What is going on with me right now?”

With your eyes closed, picture a rose about 1-2 feet in front of your forehead. Let this represent the answer to your question. Is the rose big, small? What color is it? Is it in good shape or frayed? Closed-in tight or overly scattered? A fresh new bud or a dying bloom? Is it thorny? Do you see dark spots? Do you see pictures of people you know, places you go, or images that mean anything to you? What do its colors, shapes and qualities mean to you?

Whatever you see, perhaps this will bring relief, clarity and insight to help you feel “on” again. Sometimes we just need to know what the situation is. Then, we know what is ours to do, & find permission to let go of all the problems we don’t actually have.

copyright 2006 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.

Getting Free of Old Habits

Submitted by on July 1, 2006 - 1:06 am

This 4th of July I have been spending time with my family in a place they’ve been going for 40 years. Here I am very aware of how much energy can be spent unconsciously repeating outmoded patterns from the past, and how this can hold us back.

Everyone’s on vacation in a small town, but still they find things to stress about. For example, as I write, I am distracted by my mother talking in the hallway. Apparently my 91-year old grandmother has lost her bra, and it’s very important, so four people need to look for it. The way my mom is responding, you would think she set the house on fire.

Earlier this week, my grandmother asked my husband to hang the doorbell out on the porch. This is not a modern doorbell—but literally a bell, about 6” wide, with their name painted below and a rope you pull to ring it. He looks all through the kitchen and finally finds a little bag of screws that say “doorbell screws”. Ah-ha. That took about half an hour. Then he screws the bell back onto the porch.

“Nana, why does the doorbell come down every summer?” he asks. “I don’t know,” she says. But she insists that it has to come down and go back up! Let me mention that no one who comes over ever rings the bell. Today, we asked my uncle why it comes down every year. He said, “I think that’s because it comes down every year.” No reason, of course.

Observing this, my husband told me a story he read somewhere. A man went to for his first holiday meal with his girlfriend’s family and observed her cutting the end off the ham before baking it. He asked why she was doing this, and so she asked her mom.” Her mother said, “I don’t know; that’s how we’ve always done it“ so she asked her grandmother.

Her grandmother revealed: “When I was growing up, our first oven was too small, so in order to fit the ham in we had to cut the end off.” Ah-ha. Never mind that that oven was long gone, and that they had plenty of space now. Never mind all the lost food and energy that went into this year after year. It was ritual, and until then nobody had bothered to question it.

These things may seem little, but as I read people I observe that those who get stuck on one thing like this are susceptible to getting stuck all the time. There are many reasons. Family or cultural programming is a big one. Underneath that is often a fear of really being present, or of not having control. If we constantly keep busy trying to control little details, how much energy is left to really live?

If you ever get stuck in effort, stress over little things, or simply feel you want more out of life, here are a few helpful questions you might ask yourself:

What unnecessary rituals or habits do I repeat? (Look not only at the obvious ones like addictions, but also at the subtle ones like states of mind. If you’re not sure, think of something your partner or someone close to you has told you about yourself recently. They are probably on to something.)

  • Why am I repeating these patterns?
  • How much is this my energy, and how much is it someone else’s?
  • What purposes did/ does this serve?
  • How much of these purpose(s) is based on present time desires or needs, and how much is from the past? From when?
  • Would it serve me to let some of these habits go?
  • IMPORTANT: What would I like to do with my energy instead?

Enjoy what you learn, and blessings on your journey forward as you reclaim your energy!

copyright 2006 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved

Abundance and Havingness

Submitted by on June 1, 2006 - 1:01 am

UP YOUR HAVINGNESS!

How much of what life has to offer are you willing to have? Lots of people come to me wanting greater abundance, better relationships, or to find their calling– and even though they are totally equipped and worthy, and solutions are possible, they just can’t have what they ask for. So how do you change this?

Let’s look at some examples of lack of havingness. Consider that some people:

* can have being rich, but they would be totally ashamed and hate themselves if they were poor
* can have being poor, but have judgments, victim mentality, or desires to fit in, which do not allow them to be rich
* can have a compliment, but argue or cry at even constructive criticism
* willingly accept criticism, but cannot take a compliment
* can have a relationship with that fascinating person across the country, but ignore all the attractive, available locals
* are “comfortable” in a boring job just getting by, but are “too busy” to pursue better opportunities that seem to fall in their lap

You get the picture? If you are not getting the money, love, recognition, progress, or things that you want, or if you’re feeling stuck in any way, ask yourself—

Considering all that is possible in life, how much can you have? Imagine a gauge from 0 to 100 percent that reflects your “havingness”—what # do you get?

If you notice that you can’t have all that is possible, and you’d like to have more, here are a few tips:

Start with your breath. Without trying to change anything, notice how you are breathing now? Is your “normal” breath shallow, quick, barely perceptible, or deep and full? Is it throat deep, chest deep, belly deep?

Now, let your next inhale become a deep, slow breath into your belly. Push your belly out as you inhale, then let the breath rise up to expand and fill your heart, your upper chest, and even your side ribs and back. Exhale out slowly. Is this different from your “normal” breath?

The breath is free. We can choose to receive fully, or we can receive only a fraction of what is available. You choose. Just as in life. Practice receiving more breath and see if you begin receiving more in life!

We often get stuck on not getting what we want. I often meet clients who say, “Help me, I don’t have a relationship.” They don’t realize the truth in what they are saying. Actually, there is no one, no thing, to whom they are NOT in relationship! But, as they say themselves, they are not “having” it. They are stuck in wanting, which is repellent to having, so they continue to be single.

People, especially here in Los Angeles, can get so caught up in competition. But when I look at who gets what they want in life– and more importantly who is happy– and it is NOT whoever is the best looking, most talented, or even the most connected. It is whoever can HAVE it.

Someone close to me has seen how my spiritual path has expanded and transformed my life in wonderful, joyous ways since childhood. When we are alone, she tells me of how she is uncertain about her purpose in life and asks my help. So, I invite her to come to any of my seminars for free. Does she come? Almost never. She knows very well the power of energy work and meditation, but she cannot have it. It is obviously not about the money for her.

Some people hear I do yoga, and say they’d love to try, but it’s too expensive. An unlimited yoga membership is around $125 a month. These people are desperate for stress relief, but choose to self-medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, or by going shopping. Let’s see—a pack of cigarettes a day costs around $150 a month. A bottle of wine every night might cost $200 a month. And you could easily spend $200 on just one pair of shoes! At best, cigarettes, wine, and shoes are only temporary “solutions” to our problems, and often create many new problems. But, some people can have these things much more easily than the incredible benefits of yoga. Why?

The truth is, most people are more afraid of change than they are of getting what they say they want.

Last summer I did a reading for a client at an Expo. She would ask me a question, listen to about half a sentence of my reply, and then cut me off and start ranting about her boyfriend, her doctor, and all the problems she was having. After a few minutes of this I inquired, “Do you want to hear what I see?” and then she caught herself. “Oh, yes,” she said. I think I got a full sentence in that time. She was obviously suffering, but so much of her problem was not her boyfriend or her doctor—it was her own inability to receive help, even the help she ASKED for and PAID for.

So, ask yourself: Can you up your havingness for what you want? No matter what it is that you want, watch the stories you tell yourself about why you cannot have it. See if those are really true. If possible, just for fun, see if you can consider that there may be ways to have whatever you want anyway.

Sometimes people say, “Should I do this or do that, buy this or buy that…” Often I look at them and say, “How about both?” and they go, “Really? I can do that?” YES. And all their “problems” are over.

Here’s another tip. If you want to be rich, it is much easier to achieve if you can have being poor. If you want to find your soul mate, it is much easier to succeed if you are happy alone. That doesn’t mean you choose being poor or alone. What it means is that your energy can flow freely towards what you want, because there is nothing you have to spend energy avoiding, hating or fighting off.

The more you can have, the more choice you have. If you would like to see where you are stuck and increase your havingness for something in your life, consider a reading as a gift to yourself. Namaste.

copyright 2006 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.