LOVING LIMITATION?!
Submitted by admin on May 13, 2012 - 9:59 am
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ARE YOU PSYCHIC?
Submitted by admin on January 12, 2012 - 11:33 pm
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HOLIDAY RELATIONSHIP TIPS
Submitted by admin on November 16, 2011 - 5:08 pm
Holidays highlight our relationships for better or worse. They can be joyous times or they can reveal our loneliness or family drama.
There is so much cultural programming about what the holidays “should” be, and we usually have our personal and family stories as well. What have your stories been?
Holidays are generally the domain of the feminine. The feminine thrives in relationship and wants to feel loved and connected.
A friend and I realized the other day that we had similar family stories. Then, I realized it wasn’t just us– it pertains to our entire generation.
Even though my friend and his siblings have all been out of the “nest” for over 20 years, their mother is still leaning on them. She was frustrated that, with Thanksgiving less than 2 weeks away, they hadn’t made plans with her yet. My friend understood her desire for family yet he felt pressured, smothered and manipulated.
It got me thinking that while in recent history the masculine has gotten a bad rap for being domineering, the feminine has been just as controlling in her own ways. As the distorted masculine power has expressed through aggression or imbalanced will, the un-healed feminine has used manipulation to get her needs met.
Even as recently as my Mother’s generation, these programs were hard-wired into both men and women. Not that they were bad people; it’s just been the survival game on the planet. And when it comes to survival, we can be very stubborn even in changing patterns that have long out-lived their usefulness.
In my childhood, my Mother had to have Christmas at our house, according to very specific rituals that started a month ahead. She cried if she didn’t get the gifts she wanted, or if the rest of us didn’t like our gifts.
Once my Dad decided we were all going skiing in Utah for Christmas.” Everyone else loved it but my mother obviously sulked.
After so many years of this, I grew older and moved away then didn’t want to go “home” for Christmas anymore. Not that I didn’t love my Mother; quite the contrary. I just wanted more breathing room for my own experience, my own joy.
The Mother energy is the energy of giving life as well as sustenance. When we share connection and nourishment– which we do over the holidays– we all tap into this energy.
So let’s be aware this holiday season of the original impuse for love and connection. We all have this and we all have a Mother.
Probably, we wanted this with our mothers and to the degree we did not experience it, we resisted and then became whatever we got instead. Are you laughing yet?
The control games that have run rampant on the planet are changing. This changing game is impacting our finances, our intimate relationships and more.
We can listen to the news or talk politics all day, but where this is really going to change is when we can look inside and at our close relationships and shift the game there.
Control kills the possiblity for life and creativity. As we become aware of where we have sought love and experienced control, we can see where we got hooked and breathe into our original desire for love.
In fact, our true nature is love. Control and security may look alike at first glance. Look again.
This holiday season, let’s realize our true natures and find security in our authenticity with each other. There, we can truly trust. There, we can truly, deeply connect.
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Want to use this article in your E-Zine or Web Site? You can, as long as you use this complete tag with it: Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com.
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.
DO YOU BLOCK LOVE?
Submitted by admin on September 8, 2011 - 9:45 pm
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IS A GOOD MAN HARD TO FIND?
Submitted by admin on August 2, 2011 - 3:26 pm
Every time I turn around it seems like women are leaving men. I can count 4 clients and close friends in the last few months alone– all of whom spent months or years convincing themselves they were happy and then suddenly couldn’t take it.
On a similar note, I couldn’t even begin to count how many female clients come to me complaining about men. They haven’t left (physically anyway), but feel resigned to a situation that displeases them.
I remember asking one woman I met who had been with her husband for decades, “What’s the secret?”
She said, “Low expectations.” I nodded and thought, I’m going to ask someone else.
I grew up listening to my mother complain about my father. I knew in my heart and soul but in my mind, it took me awhile to realize he was a good man.
Now I’m absolutely in favor of feeling and expressing our feelings– I do it plenty myself! But that’s different than complaining as a matter of habit, staying in a rut and assuming “this is as good as it gets.”
I also understand how much the feminine has been abused and dismissed on a planetary level, and how this has affected us all personally to some degree. But if we want to live amidst men, if we want to be inspired by men, and even to access our inner masculine, let’s stop complaining and support men!
No, this does not mean stay in an abusive relationship for those that are in them. No, this does not mean make ourselves smaller to accommodate men who don’t own their power.
It means loving ourselves and being strong and peaceful inside enough to also see beyond ourselves and into the heart of another. And as we are true to ourselves, others either step up or leave if they are unwilling or unable. Better that than complaining or grinning and bearing it for years!
Our thoughts and feelings all affect one another, and in a female-male partnership, the woman’s energy affects the man powerfully. Powerfully.
This is one plight of the feminine, that her gifts have been largely invisible, but it’s also one of our secrets. So ladies, if you hold in your heart and mind the possibility of fulfillment, only then do you have a chance of getting it.
Imagine the collective imprint on men of all the complaining– of the mass belief that men are jerks. What if we could see the truth, own our feelings when someone acts like a jerk, and at the same time hold a commitment to love?
Seeing one another is a HUGE first step, so obvious and yet so neglected. This is one of the most powerful benefits of an intuitive reading– a spiritual “hello”:
No, you are not crazy. Yes, you are powerful beyond measure. Yes, I see what you are feeling and it’s valid. And here’s a neutral perspective on how you can heal it.
I have been really enjoying working with more men lately as well as women and couples. I love assisting in harmonizing the masculine and feminine and I feel so honored to connect with people in a true, deep way.
We are all doing our best and we can all use support from time to time. I am seeing so many good men out there that are just lost, unseen or lonely.
I am also inspired by the wave of conscious men that are waking up and being lights in the world. Let’s stop leaking our energy into complaining and re-route it into love, consciousness and creative resolution!
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Want to use this article in your E-Zine or Web Site? You can, as long as you use this complete tag with it: Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com.
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.
10 SECRETS TO HEALTHY RECEIVING
Submitted by admin on July 10, 2011 - 1:41 pm
| Growing up naturally intuitive and sensitive, I was very unaware of how much I received, and it got me in trouble! Besides, I got the programming that being feminine meant receiving whatever came my way, and stuffing my feelings if it didn’t feel good.
So receiving did not feel safe, and then I spent years guarded and missing out on so much– love, money, friendships, and the opportunity to share my gifts– all because I didn’t know how to do things differently. Can you relate? One of the questions I hear most is “How can I be receptive/ feminine/ intuitive in a healthy way? So here are some tips: 1). Make a list of things you love, and things you hate. I know, hating may not seem polite or spiritual and that’s exactly the point. By simply allowing yourself to acknowledge what you don’t want, you’ll have the discernment and trust in yourself that allows you to OPEN to what you do want. You won’t be so afraid once you do this exercise. Trust me. It’s powerful. 2). Ground yourself. If you don’t know how, listen here to a 4-minute free sample grounding meditation. 3).If you’re stuck trying to solve a problem or process an emotion and it’s not resolving, know this: It’s NOT yours. Our own problems feel like creative challenges, not hopeless mazes. Our own emotions release after a good cry or laugh or scream. So if that’s not happening, let them go. Imagine a magic soap bubble out in front of you with a magnet in it, and imagine the emotions or problem get pulled out of you into the bubble. Then see it float off as far as you can imagine and poof! Explode it. Those people will get their emotions or problems back and they’ll get the gift of finally being able to resolve them! 4). Look at your programming and role models around receiving. Did you learn to block and shield, or to take on other’s burdens, or that being open all the time was more feminine or spiritual? Once we can see our patterns, we are most of the way there to releasing them! This is why intuitive readings can help as well, since someone outside our world can often see it more clearly than we can. 5). Once you see your patterns, act them out. I mean it. Get silly! You can grab a friend for this one, exaggerate your “issues” with your partner, or do it by yourself in the mirror until you laugh. Then see if you that pattern has any hold on you again! 6). If there is something you want to know and you find yourself obsessing and wishing you had a crystal ball… stop, sit down and ground. Then close your eyes and imagine a movie screen a few feet out in front of you. See it blank, then ask your question in your mind and imagine that you “see” the answer on the screen. Be open to symbols, colors, or vague information as well as full-on movies. Trust you will be shown what will most benefit you today. When you’ve had enough, turn it off, open your eyes and enjoy being consciously receptive! 7). Ask yourself, “Where am I right now?” Of course, you know where your body is but where are YOU? Where is your attention? Simply by noticing when you are not “home,” you have the opportunity to come back to your body. When you’re present, you’re much less likely to absorb things that don’t feel good. 8). Feel your own feelings. Often when we are habitually “not home”, we are trying to escape pain. If you have physical pain, if you don’t see a spark of light in your own eyes, or if you feel numb– these are signs that you’re not feeling fully. Yes, it’s uncomfortable to feel but the only way out is through! Once we breathe into the edge of our discomfort, it begins to dissolve. Breathe and feel! 9). Fill yourself up by enjoying your life– no waiting. It may sound paradoxical to fill yourself up when you want to receive– but when you are living a full life and radiating creativity, joy and bliss– you are a magnet for more of the same. Like attracts like. 10). Know this secret. Receiving is a CHOICE. Receiving does not just happen to you, and you can choose how to receive. I learned this in the martial art of Aikido. I could take being thrown hard, because I knew how to use the energy to twirl into a somersault and come up standing. It was exhilarating. You may not be doing martial arts, but make it a game… Decide that every judgment thrown your way turns into a hundred dollar bill. Decide that every lustful stare makes you more attractive and beckons your soulmate. Choose your version and have fun! |
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Want to use this article in your E-Zine or Web Site? You can, as long as you use this complete tag with it: Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com.
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.
HOW I HEALED MY DAD
Submitted by admin on - 1:35 pm
| Recently, I wrote an article titled “Do You Heal Men?” and got a lot of response. Apparently, this is a common issue for lots of women!
Often, I hear women complaining that male energy feels so “heavy” to them that they want to get away from men. Or, women ask me to heal their partners, and I keep bringing the reading back to them. As much as we know we cannot change anyone but ourselves, we women have an innate perfectionism that ties in to our biological baby-making mechanism. When we make a baby, we must put the eyeball in the eye socket and not in the kneecap– or we have a big problem. I also think that on a collective level, the feminine energy has in general not felt seen, honored or met by the masculine. Out of hunger for love the feminine has tried desperately to fix the masculine, often to the point of assuming responsibility for what’s not ours. So about me and my Dad… I have always had a soul connection with my Dad, but it was rough for many years. A sensitive soul and creative thinker, he also had a drinking problem and for lots of my childhood and early adulthood was spiritually “checked out”. I was so attuned to his energy, and so wanted his love and my family’s peace, that I unconsciously absorbed both his pain and his dreams. I lived them as if they were my own. Did this help my Dad? No. In retrospect, looking through a psychic lens, it only seemed to make things worse because I was reflecting to him parts of himself he’d denied. So he got mad at me. And then I was not only not helping him, I was getting the opposite of what I’d wanted! Once I started on my path of personal growth, I learned to meditate and clear energy, and I realized how much of his energy I was holding in my body. So I diligently cleared it, day after day for years. I stopped taking responsibility and I gave him his energy back. When I began this, I did it to help myself. Not only was I clearing energy, but I also stood up to him verbally if he was drunk and obnoxious. In retrospect I was sometimes reactionary, but my intention was to care for myself. I remember one particular day, about 10 years ago, when I picked up the phone and he was obviously drunk. I told him it was unacceptable for me to talk with him when he was like that, and I hung up. Not long after that, he stopped drinking completely cold turkey and he has been a new man ever since. Now, we have great conversations and he is a lot of fun to be with. Did I “heal” him? We may never know, and he says he doesn’t know why he stopped drinking. But what I do know is that during the years I absorbed his energy and put up with him, things never improved. So in a sense, perhaps I healed him by not healing him anymore!! We can never solve problems or process issues that aren’t ours. At the same time, the people they belong to can’t process them either when we do this. It’s a lose-lose. While letting go of responsibility for others may feel scary, like we’ll lose them or lose control… and while it may be hard initially, it can be a big win for everyone in the end. At least, it’s a win for ourselves, and that’s all we can control anyway. Yes, male energy is heavier than female energy. But that’s not “bad.” A rock is heavier than a feather. Is a rock “bad”? Does it burden the feather? Not if the feather is in it’s natural place in the air. Ladies, if you want something to be responsible for, try being responsible for radiating your own light. For honoring your feminine creative energy and for allowing your own happiness, even bliss– no matter how anyone else is feeling. Here’s a secret.. actually two: 1). That’s what men want anyway. It inspires them, and when they feel it they will change without us asking them to. And isn’t our own happiness what we want anyway? Win-win! 2). That’s what will make male energy in all it’s heaviness feel “good” and not a burden. When we women fill ourselves up with our own love, male energy will feel solid as a rock and not like the weight of the world. TRY THIS: Sit with your eyes closed, spine erect and feet flat on the ground. Breathe in and imagine breathing love all the way down the front of your body, to your tailbone. Breathe out and imagine the love streaming up your spine and out your head, like a shower of love-light that radiates from you. Next, imagine a rose in front of you, like a beautiful fluffy and clear rose in full bloom. See it about 3 feet out in front of you, and imagine it vacuuming out of you anyone else’s emotions, thoughts, programs, or desires that you’ve been holding. Keep your breath flowing and just watch as the energy leaves you and goes into the rose. When you’re ready, see the rose in your mind’s eye floating off to the edge of the horizon and see it dissolve in a puff of light. Know that all those people are getting their energy back. Take a moment again to breathe into your own body and fill yourself with light! ______________________________________________________ Want to use this article in your E-Zine or Web Site? You can, as long as you use this complete tag with it: Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com. ____________________________________________________________ copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved. |
CAN LOVE & MONEY CO-EXIST?
Submitted by admin on June 18, 2011 - 2:53 pm
Can love and money co-exist? According to Universal law they must, but according to our culture they often seem at odds.I’m not talking about using money as a substitute for love, which our culture does condone.
What would it be like if love and money arose from the same wellspring of wholeness and abundance that is Universal nature, that is each of our true natures? To live lives of mutual generosity and joyous gifting?
In order to have this truth reflected in our living experience, we need 2 things: 1). To own our power, and 2). To let go of control. And culturally, we have clung tight to control while disowning our power.
If we’ve ever experienced messages of “not enough” (love, money or resources), especially in our prenatal experience or early childhood, it’s in our nervous systems. We may name it “fight or flight,” and it may affect our ability to sustain healthy intimate relationships.
It’s in our DNA and ancestral lineage. If we believe in past lives, it’s in our soul’s histories too.
Recently I taught a class in LA called “Making Peace with Money.” I wanted to call it “Making Love with Money,” but I was unsure what the reaction might be so I changed it. But “Making Love with Money” is really what I meant. 
As an entrepreneur, I have fun with money. I enjoy manifesting. I have had my ups and downs but I always seem to have what I need.
At one point last winter I had the idea it’d be fun to write down a list of things I’d like, just to invite them in. Suddenly money turned up everywhere– even a $20 bill I found on the street– in just the amounts necessary for the top items on my list!
But through my relationships I’ve learned that not everyone thinks about money this way! And I’ve had to face my own fears of being alone if I live differently… the fear that I had to choose between money and love.
I grew up with a provider father and a housewife mother. In my early childhood, my father was set on success and he kept getting job promotions that required us to move.
My mother went along with this for awhile, but after a few moves said “No.” So my father moved and we stayed put, and he drove 2 hours each way to see us on weekends for 3 years until they got divorced.
So early on, I got the message that love and money don’t go together. I thought if he was doing it to provide for me, maybe it was my fault my parents weren’t happy. Not to mention, my father was really an artistic and sensitive soul who felt confined in his job.
So over the years, I dated lots of artistic and sensitive men who could not or would not provide. I found one who could provide but got mad about it, since he too was making money through a job he hated.
Around this time I realized I did want to be provided for. And then it turned into needing to be provided for, to heal my early wound around all this, to “prove” that love and money could go together, and to validate my worth.
Of course, it was me who had disowned my worth to begin with, but meanwhile I wondered why I wasn’t manifesting what I consciously desired and felt worthy of. And I realized love and money had to go together in me before I could expect my world to reflect that.
And now I get it. It requires a total paradigm shift– not simply better salaries, more harmony between couples or even more self-love.
Here are some of the pictures our culture has accepted as truth:
- Whoever has the money gets to control.
- Money has to come through hard work and struggle.
- Money= power.
It may look as if those with money have had all the control, but look from another angle and see that many of them have also felt controlled– even in the ways they’ve controlled themselves. The suit and tie that chokes at the throat goes beyond the physical, for many in high-power jobs.
And nothing wrong with suits or business! It’s just that many people’s approach to work, money and success has been very push-and-shove– including of ourselves. Stress, self-denial and feeling used-up have been the name of the game. Today, I see this in men and women at all income levels.
If we believe money equals power, then it can also be scary to spend or lose money for those who do not fully own their power within. By contrast, I had a friend who was divorcing and losing his house, and he was ok with it, explaining that everything he had came from within and could be recreated.
I think when we own our power we have the money we need, but the money does not cause the power.
I found my friend’s attitude so refreshing! But it’s not the norm.
Recently I went into a bank and saw a flyer with headlines saying, “Control,” “More Control”. That’s what they are selling people on!
No wonder the hippies have pushed away money. No wonder trust fund kids and trophy wives have rejected all the strings attached to money.
It’s just that money itself has never been the problem. With compassion, I see that those with money have used it to control because they themselves have felt bound by control. Because they wanted love and connection and that was the only way they knew to get it. At some level, they thought if their loved ones also felt control everyone would be connected and close and never leave.
Ha ha ha. I guess we all know that can backfire.
And rejecting the money doesn’t work. Those who want to separate from it and judge rich people are perpetuating the very separation they are judging. And missing the point.
Money is really a form of energy. Love is also an energy and it includes everything.
So what if everyone could give the gifts they have in their heart and in turn have what they need? I am not talking about hippie utopia. I believe in being conscious and in including money in our lives, not running from it.
I have even advised clients to get a Monopoly game and “play” with the money to create a new relationship with it. Money itself is innocent.
What if we all disconnected from control and realigned our nervous systems to accept a feeling of safety within? Once we feel safe within, we can give and receive freely and it’s easy to trust others and the Universe.
There are many techniques and healing modalities to help accomplish this, and one we all have unlimited access to is our breath. I love simply breathing down the spine all the way to the tailbone, and exhaling the breath back up the spine and out the head.
Love and money both involve circulation. When we block our natural tendencies to open and share, both love and money come to a halt in our lives. And when one is flowing, the other can too.
I knew a wealthy older man who had physical circulation problems. Yes, he had money, but he was a control freak and he hoarded both money and love. His family found him difficult but they “needed” him.
In my opinion, our experience of abundance has nothing to do with how hard we work, or with our status or degrees. It has everything to do with how much energy we choose to circulate, and lots of energy can circulate very easily if we open and allow it.
When relationship problems come up around money, it’s rarely about the money. Usually, it’s a disagreement about how much energy is ok to circulate. Often there are blocks in one or both person’s natural flow.
This is also a key to improving our sex lives, but I’ll save this for another article.
It can be scary to open up to more when our culture, friends and family have withheld. We can feel like we’ll die from loneliness– even if those people are not currently, physically with us. And if we find more energy-flow to feel more natural, we might rebel and feel terrified at the idea of constriction.
People do suffer incredibly from loneliness and constriction, and they are actually the same thing. But when we recognize that we’re all just wanting to give and receive love, and we commit to this for ourselves, things shift.
When I am in love, not necessarily with a person but when I simply live with an overflowing heart, money follows. People get inspired, and the lie I’ve held that money and love don’t go together is dissolved. Nonexistent.
And I’m excited to see more and more people living and creating this way. I think it is the wave of the future! Are you with me?
TRY THIS:
Next time you spend money, imagine 10 times the amount coming back to you from the Universe. When you receive money, imagine 10 times the amount you receive going back from the Universe to the giver. Just for fun.. I’d love to hear how it goes!
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Want to use this article in your E-Zine or Web Site? You can, as long as you use this complete tag with it: Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com.
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.
ARE YOU SETTLING?
Submitted by admin on May 18, 2011 - 4:55 pm
Have you ever said yes when you meant no? I know I have! Let me tell you a story about a scorpion…
On 9/9/09 I had agreed to go on a date. Did I really want to go on the date? No.
A friend had set me up and as soon as I saw the guy’s picture, I thought, “Not interested.” But then she explained: he was successful, creative, kind, not a player, and he practiced yoga. I decided I “should” go on this date and so told him yes.
The night before, I couldn’t sleep. I really didn’t want to go. Nothing felt “bad” about him, I just don’t like going against my truth and I didn’t want to waste his time and let him down later. So at about 2 am, I sent him an email and cancelled the date.
Immediately, I felt a rush of energy. It felt powerful, exciting and at the same time light and happy. I looked over at the funky stone wall of my Topanga canyon apartment and saw something black crawling out of a hole.
At first glance I thought it was a spider, but it kept getting longer, and longer… until I saw the scorpion tail. I ran to get the almond butter jar I had set aside (labeled: “spider relocation project”) and tried to trap it so I could take it outside, but I accidentally killed it. Once I caught my breath I realized that was probably for the best.
I knew this Scorpion was a powerful omen about claiming my power and not settling. So I put it on my altar with the Buddha and angel.
I felt amazing and stayed up til 4 am, bagging up things to take to Goodwill. I slept until noon and was in a sort of altered-bliss state all the next day, too.
When I told my friend the story, she said immediately “Well that means a Scorpio is coming for you!”
Great, I thought! But where is he? Months went by and no sign of the promised Scorpion.
Nearly a year later, I met a new man and found out his sign. I tried not to jump to conclusions when he said, “Scorpio.” But when our 2nd date was on 9-9-10, I took note.
That night, he took me to Zozobra, an annual Santa Fe ritual where they burn a gigantic puppet representing “old man gloom and doom”. People send in divorce documents, family belongings, and other possessions symbolizing things they want to release to make room for the new– and these are burned as part of the puppet while the crowd screams and cheers.
The date, his sign, and the theme of cleansing and renewal was all just too synchronistic! So when I saw he was obviously really excited to get to know me, I said, “I don’t want to freak you out, but can I tell you a story?” And so I told him about the scorpion.
We shared a wonderful 9 months together, during which we both grew and expanded in such beautiful ways. I am very grateful.
So many times I have settled. Not only in relationships, but throughout my life.
And I’m told I am very committed to my path and my truth, but I feel in my heart the pain of having settled. I feel the pain for me and for those involved. Because I know now that settling doesn’t just hurt me, it hurts other people too.
One thing that pushes my buttons the most is an energy that says “Who do you think you are?” The fear that if I live my truth and own my power and value, that I’ll be punished and alone.
It’s been a wound since before this lifetime, and so at times when given the opportunity to stretch I’ve hung back, because it seemed like no one else was stretching and so I had to stop if I wanted love.
What I’ve realized is that serves no one. Not me, because I’ve felt stifled, not those I could serve by shining bright, not those I’ve tried to love or make comfortable– because that love and comfort was based on a lie.
And saying yes to a lie then saying no later can pose more problems than just saying no in the first place. Imagine saying yes to a job then realizing only after people were counting on you that the pay is not enough and you can’t do it. Or saying yes to a marriage then everyone going through the pain of divorce.
I have seen this in many, many people, especially women. I have seen it make their partners crazy when they know something is off, but because the women don’t think it’s ok to share “negative” emotions they torture them with their withholding. All the while thinking they’re being “nice.”
One of my clients had been ambivalent about her relationship for years, but didn’t want to leave because she didn’t want to hurt him. Now, he’s the one pulling away and she’s shocked. I pointed out how all these years she’s been half-out have hurt him. People feel our truth whether we’re willing to voice it or not.
I have seen this in some parents, thinking they need to sacrifice everything for their families, then have nothing left to give. Parents who are unable to model healthy self-care actually HURT their children, and make more stress for themselves when the children develop health (physical, mental or emotional) issues. Often, these children end up taking on adult responsibilities– and suffer for it for years– when their parents fearfully choose not to be responsible.
So an easier way, perhaps, is to just love ourselves from the beginning, all the time. To breathe deep, find our courage and trust that this is best for everyone.
I have seen that when we are really at peace with this, no one says “Who do you think you are?” Partners actually PREFER hearing what’s wrong in the moment; it builds trust and is much easier to fix.
Calm, happy and healthy parents naturally have calm, happy and healthy children.
And when we truly love ourselves, we aren’t greedy, so there’s no need to worry that we’re asking too much. I find that people who desire things they’ll never use, fixate on looking “perfect,” or need constant love and reassurance are actually trying to make up for deep insecurities.
But living an abundant life, being radiant, and sharing love are our birthrights. If you are not enjoying these things, what are you settling for and why? Let me know if I can help.
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Want to use this article in your E-Zine or Web Site? You can, as long as you use this complete tag with it: Intuitive Healer Ann O’Brien publishes the “Flowering Sol” email newsletter to help you blossom into your light. If you’re ready to open up your intuition and creative power to fulfill your dream life, get your free gifts at www.FloweringSol.com.
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.
DO YOU HEAL MEN?
Submitted by admin on April 24, 2011 - 10:53 pm
If there were a 12-step program for this I could join. I can see it now… “Hi, I’m Ann O’Brien, and I heal men.”
For years I did it all the time, but didn’t know I was doing it. Then I figured it out, and I got pissed off.
It started with my Dad, then boyfriends, guy friends, guys I was interested in, guys I had subtle flirtations with, etc. I felt responsible for them and I took on their stuff unconsciously. I have always been a natural healer and entertainer, and that was my knee-jerk way of coping when the world around me didn’t feel good.
It was my story, and for a long time it was a “bad” story. Deep down, beneath my conscious awareness, I realized the power of this gift, but didn’t know what to do with it or if that would even be safe.
So I rejected it in myself and pushed away those who wanted it, but I didn’t even know I was rejecting something. I just felt frustrated a lot.
At the same time, I deep down wanted to give this gift and have it be received, but because I had pushed it down I didn’t even understand my own pain. I had no model for this.
At some point I figured out that I had been healing men all my life, and that I was unconsciously perpetuating and attracting these situations. It was uncomfortable but I was grateful for all my spiritual awareness finally, and I tried to stop doing it.
I learned techniques to help me. Even my spiritual teacher pointed out how this was happening, and suggested ways I could stop it.
Have you ever heard the saying that our greatest challenges in life are actually our greatest gifts? Or the suggestion to pay attention to our natural tendencies, because that is where our power is?
I have heard it but for so long didn’t connect the dots.
The problem was not what I was doing but the fact that I did it unconsciously, without acceptance, understanding, artistry and respect. And so it controlled me and caused problems for others– until I learned what I now understand.
Over the years I have been involved in many feminist or women’s groups, and I’m increasingly seeing a shift in power on the planet from men to women. And no one can argue that women have been historically wounded.
But guess what? Men have been wounded too.
When I look at the masculine structures on the planet that are crumbling, I see tremendous pain in those who are losing their long-held illusion of power and control. I listen to new-agey type conversations about empowering the Divine feminine and I feel sad to notice the masculine getting overlooked, blamed or judged.
When I help my female clients with relationships, I so often hear them complaining about men. They express things like “I’m fine; it’s my husband that needs to change.” Oh, if it were only that simple!
I hear women express superiority to men and then share how much they are yearning for a good man to come sweep them off their feet. Hmmm. And I SO want to help these women!
In reaction to the old model of being passive and helpless, many women have taken the feminist stance of feigning “independence” and embracing our power. Now of course we have power, but how are we using it?
Feminine power misused is no better than masculine power misused.
What will heal this whole thing is to co-create harmony, to open up a conversation so we can understand and support each other. For us all to recognize our unique gifts and power so we can stop projecting and start celebrating and sharing.
Just because masculine energy has dominated our politics, religions, economics and planet in general for so long does not mean this masculine energy has been healthy, happy and balanced. Far from it. If it were it would not have hurt so many and it would not be collapsing now.
So while I absolutely support the rise of the feminine, my vision is to see it rise in a balanced way, in harmony with the Divine masculine. Not just being ok with the more feminine men who don’t threaten us, but actually embracing masculine energy in men, in the world and in ourselves.
Now that we are starting to accept our feminine power, let’s use it to invite the masculine to step into his power too. Women, this is an art you can cultivate and if you don’t know how, I can help you.
It’s what most women– and men– deeply want. It’s a deep deep wound in the world.
This is not about sleeping around, not necessarily about sex at all. It is about being authentic in a way that brings out the best in men. Sometimes it helps him feel good, and even when it doesn’t do so immediately, it offers him space to choose and is ultimately a gift to all.
So much creativity and love get unleashed when the masculine and feminine unite in harmony and mutual respect. I realize many have feared this, and I have too.
But I see deeper now, and I am proud to say, “Hi, I’m Ann O’Brien, and I heal men.” In joy and gratitude for this opportunity and gift…
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copyright 2011 Ann O’Brien- All Rights Reserved.
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